i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
