I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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