I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
