I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Alive.
So much puke
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
