i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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