i permit you to call me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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