then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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