when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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