yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
