But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
