Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
