I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
