ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
