He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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