I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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