margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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