peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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