this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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