Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
