I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
