What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
