I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
