saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
