i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
