im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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