he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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