A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
