I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
