you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
