R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
