Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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