It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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