i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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