He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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