I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's official drugs can't kill me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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