And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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