I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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