I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
