Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
