so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
