you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
