i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
