I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so let's talk penis.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
