he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
