I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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