I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
