i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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