I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
