Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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