She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
