Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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