i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
