I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
White coat. Heels.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
