i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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