New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
